Who I Am

 I’ve always wondered why I feel things so deeply, why I am so quiet, or why I can be a total introvert in a family full of extroverts. The ongoing debate of ‘Nature vs. Nurture’ whether our traits are inherited or learned offers the perfect lens to reflect on how I’ve become the person I am. This has led me to compare myself with two powerful women in my life: my mother and my grandmother. By looking closely at our differences and similarities in personality, communication, emotional coping, and I’ve come to realize that who I am today is not just a product of my genetics but of the environment I was raised in. Scientific studies back this up, showing how our genes and experiences constantly interact in shaping us. So, as I reflect, I’m also learning how nature lays the foundation while nurture decides the structure we build on top of it.

Inherited Anxiety

 To start off with the nature aspect of things I believe that anxiety seems to run in my family, but the way we each cope with it reflects our nurture. When I’m overwhelmed with being put under stress, I feel everything intensely: I get anxious, and need time alone to regulate. I’ve learned how to hold myself together on the outside, even when I’m emotionally unraveling inside; I feel like that was a learned behavior my mom taught me to handle myself well, and respectfully. My mom handles stress quite like me but with more strength. She may shut down at the moment, then processes privately, then regroups to deal with the problem. She rarely shows vulnerability, and that kind of emotional control came from her having to mature early on in life. My grandmother expresses stress differently. She reacts with intensity; her anxiety often turns into anger, and she externalizes her emotions much more than my mom or I do; I believe this was a product of her environment where she may have felt to be on survival mode. “Common mental disorders like depression and anxiety are likely the result of a combination of life experiences, environment, and genetic variation... These variations can impact how your genes are turned ‘on’ and ‘off’ throughout life and play a role in the onset of some diseases” (National Institute of Mental Health, N.D.).  This reinforces the concept of "nature" in the nature vs. nurture debate, suggesting that inherited genetics can contribute significantly to the propensity for anxiety and other mental disorders. These changes can impact how the brain responds to stress, meaning that while anxiety may be passed down genetically, our environment shapes how we express and regulate it. 

Deep Worry

 I’m not sure if my grandmother experienced this, but I know that both my mother and I often struggle with constant worry. This tends to manifest as overthinking or imagining worst-case scenarios, where our minds become overwhelmed with "what if" thoughts and a strong need for reassurance. I’ve learned that this pattern of thinking can be a sign of neuroticism, which is believed to have a genetic basis. Research shows high genetic correlations for lifetime GAD and neuroticism are 1.00 in males and 0.58 in females, with an overall correlation of 0.80, indicating a complete overlap of shared genes (Gottschalk & Domschke, 2017). This shows genetic links between GAD and neuroticism, and how these mental health issues can be connected through shared genetic factors.

Staying Calm

 I believe my calm demeanor is less about nature and more about nurture, especially since my mother’s stricter parenting style. As a young mom, she had zero tolerance for emotional outbursts. She didn’t scold too hard, but she set firm boundaries, and over time, I internalized that quietness as the “right” way to handle emotion. “Social learning theory… emphasizes the importance of observing, modeling, and imitating the behaviors, attitudes, and emotional reactions of others... Behavior is learned from the environment through the process of observational learning” (McLeod, 2025, summarizing Bandura (1977)). This supports that my calm demeanor wasn’t inherited, but modeled and reinforced. I observed my mother’s strict emotional expectations and learned through observation and reinforcement that staying quiet and composed was the appropriate, “rewarded” behavior. Over time, this modeled behavior became part of how I handle emotions.

Learning Love

 Affection isn’t something my grandmother grew up with. Raised in a home where survival came before softness, her parents believed that providing food and shelter was enough. Verbal or physical affection wasn’t part of their parenting model, and that lack of emotional warmth trickled into how my grandmother raised her own kids. My mom, however, decided to break that cycle. She made room for hugs, kisses, and “I love you” on a daily basis. Girls' day, heart-to-heart conversations, and check-ins were her way of making sure I felt loved in a way she didn’t. This shift is a perfect example of Bandura’s Social Learning Theory, which states that we often model behavior based on what we observe either to mimic or reject it (McLeod, 2025). My mom saw what was missing in her own childhood and chose a different path, and I, in turn, learned love through her actions. While my grandmother’s emotional distance may have stemmed from her upbringing, my mom’s warmth was a conscious choice that shaped how I show love today. It’s proof that nurture has the power to rewrite inherited patterns.

Driven to Succeed

 If there’s one area where nurture clearly influenced me, it’s in my drive to succeed. I’m the perfectionist in the family, the one who stays up late finishing projects, double-checking work, and chasing excellence. My sister is more easygoing, but for me, the pressure to do well has always been internalized. That drive came from my mom. She constantly pushed me to do better than she did. “Books before boys” wasn’t just a phrase she would constantly mention; it was a philosophy. She praised my efforts, supported my dreams, and reminded me that my future could be brighter than hers if I worked hard enough. According to Bandura’s social learning theory, observers are motivated to imitate behaviors when they perceive those behaviors as likely to result in positive outcomes (McLeod, 2025). In my case, I believe the desire to excel was nurtured into me. I saw how hard my mom worked, how much she sacrificed, and I wanted to make her proud. Her belief in my potential became my fuel. While I might have inherited some natural ambition, it was her consistent encouragement that turned it into purpose.

Nature & Nurture

 Reflecting across three generations of women in my family, I’ve learned that both nature and nurture are powerful influences; neither can be ignored. Some traits, like anxiety and constant worrying, may be inherited. Others, like how I handle emotions, show affection, and chase goals, have been shaped by the environment I was raised in. Scientific research supports what I’ve observed in my own life: that genes lay the groundwork, but it’s our experiences and the people around us who fill in the details. Epigenetics shows us that early life experiences can actually influence how genes are expressed, often through parenting behavior. As Michael J. Meaney (2010) explains, “variations in maternal care... structurally alter DNA,” revealing how the environment can biologically shape outcomes across a person’s life. In other words, nurture can physically affect nature. Supporting this further, Plomin and Asbury (2005) argue that “the appropriate conjunction between the words nature and nurture is not versus but and,” since both influence one’s development in a deeply interconnected way. Who I am today is not just the result of biology or upbringing alone but the harmony between both. Nature sets the foundation, but nurture builds the home. In my home, there's been a great deal of growth and resilience, showing that when these two forces come together, they can create a new and more hopeful path for the next generation.

References

 Gottschalk, M. G., & Domschke, K. (2017). Genetics of generalized anxiety disorder and related traits. National Institute of Mental Health. Genetics of generalized anxiety disorder and related traits - PMC 

McLeod, S. (2025). - Albert Bandura’s Social Learning Theory. Simply Psychology. https://www.simplypsychology.org/bandura.html

Meaney, M. J. (2010). Epigenetics and the biological definition of gene × environment interactions. Society for  Research in Child Development.  https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1467-8624.2009.01381.x

National Institute of Mental Health. (n.d.). Looking at My Genes: What Can They Tell Me About My Mental Health? https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/looking-at-my-genes

Plomin, R., & Asbury, K. (2005). Nature and nurture: Genetic and environmental influences on behavior. The ANNALS of the American Academy of Political and Social Science. https://doi.org/10.1177/0002716205277184